Esperanza (prtylilangleyes) wrote,
Esperanza
prtylilangleyes

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Angst.

Okay, so my last entry I totally vented my hurt. I know that there are other ways of venting than ragging my emotions out here, but I felt I had no other options. I was hurt, by one of my good, close friends, and venting my hurt here was the only way I actualy got a response, so I do feel justified in what I did. It was never to hurt anybody, because I know what the hurt was like, and I wouldn't want that burden on anyone else. I just needed to push it to the point that I could get some sort of response from this person. Nothing else worked, so I had to. And I'm sorry, but it was a last resort that I had to take.

Anyway, things have been going extremely well! Family issues aside, I am totally loving life right now. I'm totally overworked (85-hour workweeks are not fun, and I'm so sick and tired of them I'm about to put my two weeks in at my "part-time" job which is scheduling me 5-6 freaking days a week! Not cool.) Other than that though, I'm happy. I have a really good feeling about the next few months coming up. I feel like something big is going to happen. I'm not really sure what, but things are just starting to feel right. But once again, something has to give. Nothing is going to happen for me if I'm a slave to a part time job thats working me harder than my full time job. I need some release. I need some time to focus on me, or even just sleep a few hours. I'm tired of these 3-hour sleeping periods. My body can't take it, and living like this is not helping me stay in a positive mindset about things. But I truly feel like once I release something, I am going to have room to grow amazing things. I'm just really excited about the future right now. I mean, I had the balls to come out here without having to literally be dragged out of the purgatory-esque Myrtle Beach. I had no money and no safety net, but did it anyway. I have survived, and I have loved it. I'm right where all the action is, now the only thing that is in my way of doing what I love is myself, and I refuse to let that be my reason for not living my dreams. I'm not going to do that anymore. Being a slave to a part time job is not an option anymore. I look like I have been beaten severely my eyes are so black with sleepless circles right now and it just isn't healthy. I'm not going to make myself sick and tired over a few extra bucks. I need my health, I need some sleep, and damnit, I need a few minutes a day that are mine and mine alone. I don't think that I'm being greedy, I think I am being good to myself finally. I need this. And I'm ready for this.
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